Something You Lose
by Lady Eponine Black
Summary: Bellatrix never wanted to loose her sisters. However, as she delves deeper into the entrancing realm of Dark Magic and Lord Voldemort, she soon sees that nobody can emerge unscathed. Unbroken. But as the intricate balance of her family and her Lord threatens to topple, she realizes that the price she must pay is large, and the crossroad she chooses to take will change her forever.
1. 1960, June

"Bella?"

"Leave me alone, Andromeda."

"Bella? Are you alright?"

"I said to _leave me alone_."

"Why is your door locked?"

"It just is, OK?"

"What are you doing in there?"

"Can you just _leave_?"

"You've been in there all day. Come out and play with me."

"Go bother Narcissa."

"No, she's too little to do anything interesting."

"She'll be six soon. That's not that little."

"Yes it is! She just wants to play dress-up, or dolls."

"Teach her that spell I showed you, the one that makes sparks, then. That's fun, isn't it? Just leave _me_ alone."

"I've forgotten it."

"Oh, all right."

The thick wooden door opened a crack, and Bellatrix's deep violet eyes, encased by a wild tangle of lashes, became visible to her little sister. Dark, unruly curls framed her thin, aristocratic face, and her features were delicate and sharp, even at nine her eyes slightly arrogant. The child before her was much like her in looks, but her face softer, her eyes lighter, her hair a deep chestnut, pulled back into braids while Bellatrix's cascaded like darkness drenched pine branches around her thin shoulders. Andromeda was like a painting of her older sister, but painted with soft watercolors, the arrogance and pride watered down and smoothed over, the sharp features rounded and touched up. The overall effect, when you saw them together, was astonishing, how alike they looked, especially from a distance.

"How can you have forgotten it? I taught it to you last week."

"I know."

"I'm not going to show you again, after this."

"I know."

"When you go to Hogwarts in four years, you'll need to actually _remember_ spells."

"I'll have a wand then."

"There's no difference."

"Maybe for you. Anyway, how would you know? You won't get one for _two years_."

"I just know."

"That's what you always say! Every time!"

"I think I've found a way to kill bugs with magic, look!" Bellatrix said, changing the subject. And from an unknown pocket in her black dress, she produced a handful of slightly squashed beetles and spiders, all clearly dead. Andromeda paled and stepped back, eyes crinkling in disgust.

"That's disgusting, Bella."

"Why?"

"You_ killed_ them! They never did anything."

"Oh, grow up, Meda. They're just _bugs_."

"But still…"

"Do you want me to show you or not?"

"No."

"Fine. Then go bother somebody else. I'm busy."

"Doing what?"

"Go _AWAY_, Andromeda! Or I'll curse you."

"You don't know how!"

"Maybe I do."

"That's silly! Of course you don't," she said, but she left anyway, her footsteps echoing down the long, shadowy hallway. Once she was gone, small pale hands hastily closed and locked the door, deftly turning the ornate silver key with the finely chiseled gemstones. She leaned against the cool wood of the wall, the Black family crest engraved on it pressing into her back.

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"Bella?"

"I'm not here, Andromeda," came the exasperated voice, slightly muffled by the door.

"Bella?"

"What do you want?"

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing. Go away."

"Will you come play with us?"

"_Us_?"

"Me and Cissy."

"I thought you said she was little."

"She _is_. But there's nothing else to do."

"Where's Mother?"

"I dunno. Somewhere."

"With father?"

"I said I dunno. Maybe. I'm bored."

"Go bother the house-elf, then."

"I don't like bothering the house-elf!"

"Well, you should. Its fun. Have you ever tried shoving a hat at him? Say you'll set him free?"

"No! That's mean."

"I think its funny. The look on his face….."

"Its not funny! Its horrible. Mother wouldn't like it."

"Mother showed me how. She said it would teach him his place, and that I could beat him if I wanted, and I have! So there!"

Andromeda sighed, and glanced at the dark rain that slithered down the glossy windows, cold and impersonal as the chill that shadowed the whole house with melancholy.

She put her ear to the door, but heard nothing but her sister's quiet breathing.

"Come with us, Bella, please?" she said imploringly. "Its always much funner with you there. You make up the most interesting games." She waited hopefully for the unlocking of the door, and it came like she knew it would.

"Oh, all right."

"Thank you! But, please Bella, nothing gross this time, OK?"

"Whatever."

The two girls scurried down the shadowy hallway, their own small shadows rippling on the glossy floor, polished meticulously every day by the house-elves. Andromeda's chatter lingering behind long after she had left the corridor blanketed with Blackness and intrigue.

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"I don't think this is a good idea, Bella."

"There's nothing else to do."

"I know…..We could go and play in the library?"

"That's boring. Come on, Meda. Maybe they're talking about us, and we could hear what they're saying."

"Why would they be talking about us?"

"I don't know, they just do!" Said Bellatrix, glaring with frosty violaceous eyes at her younger sister, daring her to argue. The three girls were huddled in the hallway outside the kitchen, which in turn was home to a servants passage that made in possible to eavesdrop on their parents, who were in their study. Talking, presumably, about something that might be of interest to their three young daughters.

"Come on then," Bellatrix urged. She pushed open the heavy door easily, and beckoned her sisters through. They entered a scene of bustle and good smells. House elves scurried around the cavernous kitchen, gleaming with brightly polished pots and pans, some of which were in use on the large expanses of stovetop and counter. Surfaces were piled high with plump fruits and glistening vegetables, dewy and smelling of rain and damp earth. Pots bubbled and frothed, a small, hunchbacked house-elf in a dark green dishcloth stirring and dumping various spices into them in turn, muttering to himself under his breath. The smell of roast chicken snaked its way into the noses of all three children, tinged with garlic and peppers. A doughy, just baked-bread smell hovered around one of the largest ovens, adding its goodness to the collage of scents that perfumed the busy kitchen. A house-elf with a hooked nose and slightly crossed eyes caught sight of them at once, and abandoned his potatoes, rushing over to them, bowing so that his oddly-shaped nose brushed the ground.

"Mistress Bella! Mistress Andromeda! Mistress Narcissa! A pleasure, a pleasure! What is it that you require?"

"We wish to go down the servants entrance, Kargen."

"Of course, Mistress. All three of you?"

"Yes," Bellatrix replied, and with a jerk of her head motioned for her sisters to follow her.

"It's so interesting in here," murmured Andromeda, looking around at the chaos and food and confusion.

"Haven't you been in the kitchens before, Meda?"

"No."

"Goody goody – Come _on_, Cissy."

The three sisters reached the door, half hidden behind a large cupboard. Bellatrix pulled on the handle, and the door opened into a huge black corridor, musty and smelling strongly of lemons. She motioned her sisters in before her.

"Oh and Kargen?" she added, looking over her shoulder.

"Yes, Mistress?"

"Our parents do not have to know about this."

"Of course, Mistress."

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The cramped, narrow corridor was dark and musty, gray walls chilly and slightly damp to the touch. And silent. Silent as the rest of the house was, but a strange contrast to the noise of the kitchen. The three girls, Bella in the lead as always, crept quietly ahead, Narcissa clutching on to Bella's sleeve. Suddenly, the girl gave a little whimper and stopped.

"What is it, Cissy?"

"A….A spider, look."

"What do you want me to do about it, then? There are lots of spiders here," Bella said, exasperated. Narcissa just stared up at her, unblinking. Narcissa, despite being as much a sister to Bellatrix as Andromeda was; did not resemble her in the way Andromeda did. The two sisters did, though, share the same haughty, aristocratic features and great good looks that were the trademark of the Black Family. Narcissa had white blonde curls that fell in ringlets past her shoulders, glossy and thick and smooth. Her eyes were the sharp blue of a moonlit tide pool, chilly and blank where Bella's were prideful and arrogant. She looked like some antique china doll, her black dress bringing out the paleness of her skin.

Bellatrix sighed, and her face strained as though she was trying hard to remember something very important that she'd forgotten. There was a flash of purple light, and the spider fell dead to the floor. Narcissa stared up at her, astounded.

"There, see, it's just a spider. I'll teach you to do that, Cissy, if you want.

"Yes."

"But you can't be afraid. Don't ever, ever, be afraid. And if you are, don't show it, alright?"

"Alright."

"Now come on, Meda. No, wait. Stop here. Can you hear something?"

"No."

"Put your ear against the wall. Can you hear them now?"

"Oh! Yes, I can. Should we be doing this?"

"Of course. Now shush, I want to hear what they're saying."

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"Did you see that article in The _Prophet_, Druella?"

"The article?"

"The one about…"

"Yes."

"Him."

"Yes."

"It could be our chance."

"We don't know anything about him, Cygnus."

"He seems like he'll do it right…a nation of purebloods, muggles and mudbloods stamped into oblivion. Wizards free. No fear, no filthy mudbloods. He certainly has the right ideas."

"Gaunt…..The Gaunts….I haven't heard that name in years. "

"Not since that man murdered the muggle."

"I remember that. Well, that could be proof enough. They seem to be upholding the pureblood tradition."

"Certainly. Imagine, Druella. If he succeeds, if he wipes out muggles and mudbloods, or enslaves them to us….what we've wanted for years."

"What are you saying?"

"If we were to help him. Support him. Think where we could be when he rises."

"Lord Voldemort. Interesting name, isn't it?"

"We have no Lords in the Wizarding world."

"Maybe that's what he wants, then. To be Lord. A King, perhaps."

"We've never had nobility. True enough, though, that if some monarchy was established, we'd be as royal as any, more then most, even."

"Of course. We're Blacks, aren't we?"

"So if we gave him support, money, our future might be assured in this new world."

"If he succeeds, that is."

"He seems the sort who would. Very young, though."

"That will change."

"Of course. And better for us if he does not die of age before this is finished."

"You're right, naturally. Better to see it through. If it happens."

" I have a feeling it will. I've heard things…the Malfoys…..the Lestranges….Your father, Druella. They seem to think he has a very good chance indeed."

"But why?"

"They say he is descended from Slytherin himself."

"Well of course. The Gaunts always said…But it's true?"

"He speaks to snakes. They say he has great dark powers."

"I see. So do you think it would do to support him?"

"With money, perhaps. Nothing else."

"What do you mean?"

"He's gathering a group – an army, you could say. The Death Eaters."

"Death Eaters?"

"Yes. He teaches them, trains them, moulds them into, well, an army. They grow in number every day. He is taking only the best, powerful men. And women to, although not as many."

"As is proper. And you don't think….You, any of the children….you mean to say, wait?"

"Wait. Exactly. Wait and see before we get more involved, Druella. Who knows. But he has the right ideas, he's going about it the right way. A land where Wizards rule."

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Late that night, Bellatrix lay in her dark room, eyes wide and staring into the ambiguous darkness that shrouded the room. Phrases ran threw her head like a mantra. _Support him….A nation of Purebloods….When he rises…..New world…Very good chance…Descended from Slytherin himself…..great Dark Powers….Death Eaters….Women, to….only the best….trains them….A land where Wizards Rule…..Lord Voldemort. Lord Voldemort. _A man who would lead the wizards to victory over the horrible filthy muggles and mudbloods. A man on the rise, gathering an army. _I want to be in that army._ Bellatrix thought, with a burning desire that roared like a fire in her mind. _I want to lead us to victory. I want them to talk about me, whisper about me. I want to help bring about a new world. Lord Voldemort._ She fell asleep with his name on her tongue.

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_Written as the first chapter for the Death Eater As A Child Competition._


	2. 1961, December

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"  
"Can I ask you something?"  
"Anything."  
"Do you ever feel…"

"What?"  
"I don't know, exactly.."  
"What is it, Meda? Are you alright?"  
"Do you ever feel…broken, kind of? No, incomplete. Like you don't belong here? Like there's a part of you…missing? That you can't ever, ever find, that you might not know is gone unless you look for it? That nobody around you is saying what you think is right and you don't know why?"  
"Of course not, Meda. That's silly, you shouldn't think that way. You're only nine, you don't know anything about anything."

But she lied. The answer was "Yes." And perhaps if she'd told the truth, she would have been given an answer concerning muggles that might have changed her views of her sister forever. Or shown her the truth. She might have been warned, might have headed off the almost inevitable events of the future with her own admission to 'weakness'. She might have admitted. But she didn't. She lied. And lying was something she – and her sisters both – was very, very, good at.

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Bellatrix stood on the edge of the brook that ran along the Black estate, spluttering and tumbling behind the stately mansion. Her dark, unruly hair was loose around her thin face, whipping around her shoulders with a brisk breeze that fanned her curls out around her head like a black halo.

"Bella?" The voice, soft and unsure, came from behind her. She didn't turn around. "Bella?" Andromeda crept softy up to stand beside her sister. The two girls stood silently, staring into the river where they were reflected, looking for all the world like twins. "Bella?"

"What is it?"

"Cissy says she couldn't find you at all this morning. Now you're down here all by yourself. Are you OK?"

"Don't listen to Narcissa. I was in my bedroom."  
"No, you weren't, because I-"

"Just drop it, OK?" Bella snapped, her bitter, rough tone surprising her sister, who lapsed into silence. "Why don't you go away."

Andromeda nodded, and slipped silently into the grey evening mist, bare feet running through damp grass towards the house.

Bellatrix sighed when she heard her sister had gone. She gazed up at the sky, the reddish light from the fiery sunset reflected in the cloudy violet, turning them red as a snakes cruel beady ones. She slowly sank onto a rock that was glazed with the spray from the brook, not minding the dampness that sank through her black skirt. Propping her chin in her hands, she tossed a pinecone out into the dark depths of the water, watching the resonating ripples with unblinking eyes. When all traces of the pinecone had diapered, she bit her lip to stop herself from crying. Blacks don't cry. But the lack of tears did not necessarily mean lack of emotion, something her youngest sister Narcissa – now almost seven, a perfect china doll forever on display – did not seem to realize quite yet. Narcissa, with a unshakable desire easy in one so young, seemed to strive to eliminate all feeling from her sheltered world. But she did not understand, thought Bellatrix. It does not matter what you feel as long as nobody sees you feel it. And here, in the snow –tinged woods, was the only place she could safely feel. And although she sat motionless on the rock, in the caverns of her mind she paced, uncertain. She felt restless, disturbed. Unnatural in the cobweb-hung, snow-filled clearing that had for so long been her refuge, strange in the silence of their bitter dinner table, awkward around her sister, her long time confidant. She felt different, sharp cornered around the polished edges of her family. She cold not resign herself to them anymore. It was December and snow was piled high on the frozen grounds. In a years time, she would be at Hogwarts. Hogwarts. Maybe there it would be different, better. Maybe in a years time she would forget the burning ache that throbbed deep inside her, a longing – not quite realized, harbored for more then a year now, fueled by newspaper clipping, eavesdropping and dreams – that twisted in her mind in a ball of fire and glass. Maybe by next December it would all make sense. Perhaps. But perhaps not, perhaps not ever. But she knew that she would carry the heavy weight insider her chest forever, because it could never truly be quenched.

She had only just turned eleven, and already the unshakable Black blood ran through her veins, dark and pure out on to the white snow, melting it and staining it with impurity and salt.


	3. 1962, September

Platform nine and three quarters was packed with students eagerly awaiting the coming semester. Noise and chaos reigned supreme, the hustling crowds and excitement easily masking the three sisters that stood off to the side, their parents talking to a tall, dark haired man with a handlebar mustache and flashing blue eyes. They paid no attention as their three daughters gravitated slowly away from them to stand by themselves. Bellatrix leaned against a decorative pillar, her new robes a perfect fit to her slim body, her face pale against all the black, her eyes burning and fervered with anticipation. Andromeda clutched her elder sisters arm, as though it was she herself who was leaving, and not her black-haired counterpart. Narcissa, the golden fairy-child, eight years old and perfect as a white rose, brushed a white blond curl from her porcelain face, a sure sign that she was nervous.

"Bella...I can't believe its finally time."

"Neither can I."  
"Are you….scared?"  
"I'm never scared. Maybe. I don't know. Its…different."  
"Different how?"  
"Its forever, what happens at Hogwarts."  
"I don't understand."  
"Neither do I. But if I go wrong here…..I'll never make it."  
"Make it where?"  
"Never mind. I didn't mean anything by it."  
"Yes you did!"  
"Perhaps."  
"She meant that you can't undo what will happen in this next seven years. And that what does happen will shape you and your life, change you forever, and you can't never ever go back. Right, Bella?" Said the ocean-eyed youngest sister, speaking for the first time. Bellatrix looked at her with half masked surprise.  
" Yes. Cissy has it." She said, smiling briefly at Narcissa.

"Oh. But I don't want you to change."

"We'll all change, Meda. Don't be silly."

"I'm not! I wish we could stay the same forever."

"No, you don't. You just think you do."

"I don't want us to change away from each other."

"Meda! That's never going to happen. Will it, Bella?" Cissy added, as a apprehensive afterthought, appealing to the wisdom of her oldest sister.

"If we're not careful." Andromeda said darkly.

" She was asking me, Meda. It might. It happens to lots of people. I don't think it matters much." Bellatrix said, shrugging a dainty shoulder.  
"Of course it does! It all matters. Lets make a promise."

"A promise? Of what?" Cissy said, her eyes lighting up.  
"To always stick together no matter what. To be loyal to each other forever and ever. To not change so much that we aren't sisters anymore. To be good, and do whats most important in our lives. That type of promise."

"I don't know, Andromeda."  
"Why not?"  
" We might not keep it." Bellatrix said, with a rare foreboding twist in her heart.

"Oh, I will. Won't you, Cissy?"  
"Whats most important in our lives? I haven't got any idea what that would be."  
"Oh, you know. To be loyal to each other and our families, and do what we think is right. To stop others who aren't. To rise to the top, like mother says. Always be the best, even if you have to kill yourself to do it. Uphold the honor of the family."

"Like blood purity?"  
"Exactly."  
"I don't know…"  
"Meda! There's nothing wrong with upholding the Black family honor. Stop being such a nitwit about it. You'll see, it's the muggles who are wrong, and filthy, and deserve to die."  
"Bella's right. Its only you who think that way, Andy. So promise. Please?"  
"Alright. I promise."  
"Then so do I."  
"I promise."

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"Bellatrix? Where are you, you stupid girl? The train's leaving in five minuets. How to you expect to get a compartment with the right sort of people if you leave it until the last moment?"

"Yes, mother."  
"Where have you…..ah, there you are. Stop skulking around behind pillars like muggle scum and get yourself on the train. If you miss it we'll all have hell to pay." Druella snapped, roughly shepherding the three girls out into the midst of the crowd, towards the steaming red train.  
"I've got five minutes. I can take care of myself, mother." Bellatrix said, jerking herself away from her mothers tight, vice-like grip.  
" Speaking of muggle scum….You know what to look out for?"  
"Of course, mother."  
"Good. No daughter of mine will _ever_ be caught associating with some muggle-born filth. That goes for all of you."  
"Yes mother. Let _go_ of me!" she snapped, pulling herself finally away from Druella. "_God._"  
"Bellatrix. Please don't make me-"

"Druella, over there – it's the minister. We should go over. Oh, Andromeda-"

"_Bellatrix_."  
"Yes, Bellatrix. Whoever you are. Now, you better be in Slytherin, young lady - not that I'm doubting the intentions of a daughter of mine. But remember, you have an honor to uphold. If you even talk to a Gryffindor, I will personally call the headmaster and see to it that he punishes you beyond what even I can - " His threatening tirade, directed with snarling venom towards his eldest daughter was cut short by a breathy gasp from his wife.

"Cygnus, he's waving."  
"Right. We must be going. Get on that train before it leaves. Andromeda, Narcissa, wave goodbye to your sister then join us over there. I must introduce you to the minister, though god knows what he'll think of Narcissa…." He trailed off, and taking his wife's arm, hurried towards the man in the purple dress robes.

Narcissa made no indication that she had heard her fathers degrading comment, but followed her sisters, shoving past a perky blonde ( "She can't be a pureblood, look at, those glasses. And the twiggy arms. What a filthy half blood." Said Bella, smirking as she elbowed the girl in the side, hard, so that she almost fell.) towards the train that would, in turn, bring each of them to their destinies.

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"Goodbye! Goodbye!" Bellatrix called to her sisters, half hanging out the window as she waved.

"Goodbye Bella!"  
"Write me, please!"

"I will!" She replied, grinning wickedly at Andromeda. "I'll tell you everything – Meda, whats wrong?"  
"I'll miss you." Whispered Andromeda, in a voice so low bellatrix had to lean almost all the way out the window to hear it. She laughed.

"Of course you will! I'll miss you to. But I'll see you at Christmas."

"I know."

"Oh, don't be such a crybaby, Andromeda. Black don't cry. Father will half kill you if he sees."

"Sorry, I'm sorry!"  
"Its alright. You can cry when you get home, though I'll wonder why. Its just school."

"In two years you'll be going, Meda!"  
"Oh yeah."  
"Then me!"

"Right! It'll be the three of us then."

"Nobody will stop us then!"  
"Nobody'll dare to."

"Remember your promise."  
"I will! I shan't ever forget."

"I'll see you at Christmas, Bella!"  
"See you then, Cissy. I'll bring you one of those beauty potions from Hogsmead."

"First-years can't go to Hogsmead! Right?"  
"Like that'll stop me!" She laughed, and her black curls whipped around her face as the train began to slowly pick up speed.

"Goodbye! Goodbye!" Called Andromeda and Narcissa, as the train pulled ou of the station. "Remember your promise!"

"Its going to be different with her gone." Said Andromeda sadly as they threaded their way through the rapidly dispersing crowd towards their parents.

"Yeah. Different all right." Answered her sister, spotting the angry look on her fathers face, a face that she barely ever saw, but that she knew terrified Bellatrix much more often then it did her and Andromeda.

"I hope she remembers the promise."  
"Don't worry. She will."

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_Hmm. Cunning, yeas, I see that. Very cunning. Powerful to, more then a witch your age should be. Amazing control, a sharp mind. Powerful beyond most I have sorted yet. Very powerful indeed._

Yes, I know all that. Slytherin?

_Well, you'd be great in Slytherin, yes you would. Such great things, so powerful you'd be. Up in the top, where you dream to be. You will go far, achieve such great things. You have great potential, Bellatrix Black. _

Yes, yes, I know. Of course I'll go far. Why shouldn't I? I'm a Black, aren't I?

_Yes, but that does not mean anything._

Don't be daft, of course it does. All Blacks must succeed. What are you talking about? I promised, didn't I?

_Ah yes. Loyal, very loyal. You'd do anything for those which you love. Courage to. You have much courage, you are brave beyond imagining._

Well, so what? That doesn't mean anything. I'm a Slytherin at heart, I've been born a Slytherin.

_Yes, you'll do best in Slytherin, no doubt about that. I'm not saying you won't, its clear Slytherin is where you belong._

Well, get on with it then.

_But are you sure its what you want?_

Of course it is, hat! Get on with it already, you stupid peace of cloth.

_Alright. Consider yourself warned._  
Whatever.

_If your sure. You'd do best in Slytherin, but it doesn't have to be._

Yes, it does.

_A desire to prove yourself, a thirst to come out on top. I detect a passion, full of fire and desperation. Secrets you run from…these won't be the last, Ms. Black. You will swim with the lies and darkness before long. Ah, I see, a yearning to….well, you'll go far in Slytherin._

Yes, yes, alright already.

_Be patient. I have warned you. If you enter Slytherin you will never be the same. It will change you, it will destroy you forever. It is your destiny. But consider yourself warned. You can always go back….No? If you're sure…..better be…SLYTHERIN!_


	4. 1962, December

The night sky glittering above her in the great hall was the same one she'd watched for years outside her bedroom window. The same stars, patterns, the same constellations. The stars her whole family was named after, a tradition that branded them by name as well as by blood. Andromeda, Bellatrix, Sirius. The whole family up there in the sky. But it did not comfort her, as one might think it did. They were watching her. They where always watching her, making sure she lived up to the standards set by her pure blood and noble family. And she always did. Every time. It was not that scrutiny itself that worried her; she knew she acted as befitted a daughter of the Noble And Most Ancient House Of Black. She knew she'd rise far, and shine like her namesake; Bellatrix, the Amazon star. She was not worried of falling short, no, not her. Andromeda maybe, with her silly doubts and illusions of equality voiced in a whisper at night. Andromeda had need to worry. But not her. No, for her it was just another sign of how controlled it all was. Of how much her family shaped her life and her future. Watching her and containing her, even here, at Hogwarts, they were there always there at night. Watching her. Reminding her that no matter what she did, how much she excelled, she had no choice. Her future was clear – marriage to a pureblood boy, a life spawning heirs and nuisances. Contained, constrained, shut in the Black house forever. Not what she wanted. Not what she wanted at all. It was all she thought of, jerking awake in bed night after night, troubled by a name haunting every dream. Voldemort. Lord Voldemort. The future of the Purebloods, Descended from Slytherin himself. He was what she dreamed of, what she held close to her heart, young as she was. But every time she saw the familiar constellations glaring down at her, she knew that they would never, ever allow it. She was the eldest, the beautiful, talented daughter of the House Of Black. They would never let her do what she wanted, when what she wanted went against all they were setting up for her. Support for _him_ was fine, normal, what was expected. She knew her family would stand behind him in principle, because he vowed to make a world where blood purity ruled. They would do what was expected – support him from afar. But that was not what she wanted. She knew it would never happen, but every night, in her bed, away from the prying eyes of the stars, she dreamt. That, they could not control.

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Coming home after three months at school was strange for her. She had expected change, drastic difference. To her young mind, mature as it was, three months seemed like a lifetime. So it surprised her, coming home. All through the long train ride, she had wondered what it would be like arriving back at the Black Mansion. How different it would be, how old her sisters would look. So when she appeared there, still reeling from the side-along-apparition with her father, who had met her at the station, it hit her hard how much everything looked the same. Nothing had changed while she had been at Hogwarts; the house looked exactly as it had when she'd craned her neck back for one last look, three months earlier. The front hallway was the same, dark and foreboding and gloomy. And the sounds of her sisters voices, laughing and loud, were also the same. The sounds of their feet running to meet her could have been the sounds of feet playing a game of chase years and years ago. It was all the same. And her sisters themselves; fair Narcissa and pretty Meda, had not changed. As she hugged them, chattered to them about schools and classes, friends and magic and teachers, she saw that they were exactly the same.

And that bothered her. That they were so unchanging, so young, while she….she was different already. Already she felt a barrier between her and her sisters, a barrier carved from distance and experience, places not shared and lives that were beginning to branch. _I'm breaking our promise already. _She thought. And she hoped that it would be different once they too started school. But deep inside, she chided herself, because she knew she no longer cared. They were not her life now. Her life was the classes she excelled at. The magic she so quickly mastered, the mystery and wonder of the grounds, the daring of midnight excursions with her Slytherin friends. Things her sisters could not yet understand. _They will, someday. _She thought. _Someday soon, they'll be here to. _


	5. 1962, December Later

1962, December

"And how have you been, daughter, at Hogwarts?"

"Very well, father."

"You find nothing challenging? Nothing hard? "

"No, father."

"And have you enjoyed your classes?"

"Very well, father."

"And your friends?"

"Respectable pureblood Slytherins, of course. Did you think I would befriend children from other houses, father?" She said, slightly surprised at the question. She thought that he knew her to be utterly loyal to the family, thought that if she did something wrong, even at Hogwarts, they would know. Now, it seemed, nobody would know if she lied to them. Nobody would ever know, indeed, she was fairly confidant that her parents had not told them the truth of multiple occasions. So, what was the harm of lying to them? Though, of course, to the previously question there was but only that one answer, there might be, in the future, others that might be answered with falsehoods. Bellatrix, with the knife-sharp perception characteristic in children brought up in the Black family, saw at once that she had been wrong. What happens at Hogwarts, stays at Hogwarts, as long as nobody else knows about it.

" And now, Bellatrix, I must ask you something."

"Yes?"

"Have you heard of the Cruciatus Curse?"

"Yes, father."

"From who?" He asked, surprised. A lesser child then Bellatrix might have blushed, but self control was drummed into the Black children young. Bellatrix paused for a second, debating what to say. She could hardly say "From you," although that would have been the truth. She had learned of the Unforgivable Curses during one of her spying excursions via the kitchen almost a year ago. She had been hesitant to try it while at Hogwarts, and had been planning to make use of the Christmas Break, and learn it. Clearly, that was not meant to be.

"At school." She said, after the briefest of pauses. She gazed up at him with her fathomless purple eyes, and gave him the tiniest of smiles. Her father nodded. He had expected, to a certain degree, how much school would teach Bellatrix, whether or not it intended to. She was fully capable of learning all manor of things not taught in the classroom. "Do you mean to teach me, father?" She asked, her voice light and emotionless, as if they were discussing the whether, not an almost deadly curse punishable by Azkaban.

"I do."

"But you have to mean it, Bellatrix, truly mean it. It is not a spell that requires merely saying the words. You have to mean them, really mean to cause pain. Do you understand?"

"Yes, father." She said, and smiled. It struck him at that moment how young she was, to be learning spells like this. So young to be in control of such power, such wisdom. _She's twice as smart as an average 12 year old._ He told himself. _Twice as smart as I was. There's no reason why she shouldn't learn it now. She's a daughter of Black, these things she needs to know._

" Then point your wand at the house-elf. Yes, like that. Then just say it, but remember: you have to mean it."

Bellatrix pointed her wand at the cowering house-elf, and felt her fingers trembling. _I must do this. _She thought._ I must be able to mean it. That house elf serves my family, who in turn aim to shut me up for years and years with a idiot of a husband and a couple of snotty little brats. They would never let me serve him, like i want to. And besides that, he is a house elf, a piece of filth barely worthy of the right to serve us. He deserves it. _She pushed a black curl out of her face, and straightened her dress, but did not hesitate as, for the first time, she preformed the spell that would become her hallmark.

"Crucio." She hissed, and immediately the house-elf began to writhe with pain, his screams echoing in the large hall. "Crucio." Bellatrix repeated, her voice stronger, louder. "Crucio." And her father was surprised at the venom in her voice, at the ease at which the deadly curse came to her lips, the strength of the pain she was inflicting on their servant.

"_Crucio, Crucio."_ She said again, and laughed, her laughter slightly strange sounding in the empty room, the childish exclamation of joy half eroded by something heavier, stranger, something unfathomable but deadly. Cold, and tinged with the dark presence of a thing her father could not identify, could not name, but still sent a chill down his spine as he gazed at his daughter, Bellatrix, as she laughed and laughed and laughed.

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" And do you like it, Bella?"

"Of course I do. You will to, Meda."

"I can't wait! Less then two years now. What did father want to see you about? He hasn't talked to me or Cissy for months and months. You're not in trouble, are you?"

"Of course not. He wanted to teach me something."

"Teach you what? A spell, or something?"

"Yes. A spell to cause pain, horrible pain."

"Oh."

"It's wonderful!"

"Wonderful?"

"Look, there's a spider. Want me to show you?"

"No! No, that's okay."

"Not that again, Meda! It's just a spider. Father had me do it on that stupid house elf."

"That's horrible! What did he ever do to you?"

"_Do?_ Meda, he's a _house-elf_."

"I know…"

"Oh well, if you're going to be like that, I'd rather show Cissy."

.

.

.


End file.
